That jokes older than Sluffy!
Cheeky bastard!!!
A job interviewer gave an Irishman the following test. He drew 3 pairs of vertical lines on a piece of paper, gave the paper to the Irishman and said, "Could you please show me a clever way to make this into 9?"
After thinking for a while, the Irishman took the pencil and drew a canopy of leaves on top of the 3 pairs of lines, then handed the paper back to the interviewer.
The interviewer looked at the drawings and said, "But that is not 9!"
"Oh, yes, it is," said the Irishman with a broad Irish accent, "Tree + tree + tree make nine!"
The interviewer handed the paper back to the Irishman and asked him to make it 99.
After thinking for a longer while, the Irishman scribbled up and down the trunks and handed the paper back to the interviewer. The interviewer looked at the drawings and said, "But that is not 99!"
"Oh yes it is," said the Irishman, "Dirty tree + dirty tree + dirty tree make ninety nine."
The interviewer was now a bit upset so he decided to do the Irishman once and for all. So, he handed the paper back to the Irishman and asked him to make it 100.
After thinking for a considerably longer time, the Irishman suddenly grabbed the pencil and drew a little blop on the bottom right hand side of each tree, then handed the paper back to the interviewer.
The interviewer looked at the drawings and said, "But that is not 100!" "Oh, yes, it most certainly is," said the Irishman with a much broader Irish accent, "Dirty tree and a turd + dirty tree and turd + dirty tree and a turd make 100!"
A bloke starts his new job at the zoo and is given three tasks.
The first is to clear the exotic fish pool of weeds. He starts on this when suddenly a huge fish leaps out and bites him. He is not going to let a fish have a go so he beats the offending fish to death with a spade.
Realising that his boss is not going to be best pleased, he tries to find a way to hide the dead fish. He hits on the brilliant idea of giving the fish to the lions as lions will eat anything. So he throws the fish into the lion's cage.
He then moves on to his second job, which is to clear out the monkey house. He goes in and a couple of chimps starts throwing coconuts at him. Un-amused he swipes at the chimps with his spade, killing them instantly. He's really worried now, so what does he do? He feeds the chimps to the lions, because lions eat anything. He hurls them into the lion's cage.
Anyway, he moves on to his last job, which is to collect honey from South American bees. He starts on this and quickly gets attacked by the bees.Alarmed, he grabs his spade and smashes the bees as hard as he can, squashing them to death. By this point he is not too worried about the death of bees as he knows what to do by now. He throws them into the lion's cage, because lions eat anything.
Later that day a new lion arrives at the zoo. It wanders up to another lion and says "What's the food like in here?". The other lion says:
"Absolutely brilliant, today we had fish, chimps and mushy bees"
I was asked to run a marathon. I said, "P*ss off".
They said "come on, it's for spastics and blind kids."
Then I thought, fu*k it, I could win this.
I played darts last night for the first time in years down at the local catholic club.
Not having played for a while I was quite rusty so with my first arrow I only got a single twenty the next was a lot better I hit triple twenty but the third hit the wire on the treble bounced out and killed a nun sat at the side of the dart board!
The room went totally quite until the scorer shouted -
One nun dead and eighty!!!!
